Rebuking Fear, My Story

Friday night after work I sat down to watch a movie for my Western Film class.  It was the start of the weekend and I wanted to treat myself with dinner and a movie.  That night I had my heart set on nachos from Chipotle and I was so excited.  Single and living alone, dinner and a movie was my favorite way to spend the evening, and with school and work, I hadn’t watched a movie in Lord knows how long.   I had been fasting that week, but felt like I could break it that day.  I still wrestled with the idea of eating, but after going back and forth, I went ahead and got my food.  Ready for a relaxing evening, settling in with my nachos, I watched my movie.

Later that evening,  

I fell asleep around ten o’clock and slept the longest I had in years. Waking up at six thirty, I managed to get eight and a half hours of uninterrupted sleep.  I was shocked. I hadn’t slept for eight hours, much less six hours in such a long time.  No matter when I fell asleep, I’d always wake up at three or four in the morning.  And when I went back to sleep, I couldn’t sleep for more than twenty minutes without waking up from a bad dream or attack.  But Saturday morning I woke up feeling great.  My heart was at peace.   Even the atmosphere in my apartment was peaceful. 

Thankful, I got ready to spend the morning with God. I began to worship and sing to the Lord freely. There were no barriers to my praise, no internal struggle to focus my attention on God.

But something was off.

As I worshiped, I couldn’t feel His presence, and my heart felt like it was made of stone.  Not only that, but my spirit felt very weary. Confused, I began to weep.  I cried out to God, asking for forgiveness, thinking maybe I sinned against Him eating those nachos when I should have been fasting.  I didn’t know what was happening.

But I waited on the Lord that morning.  And slowly I began to feel his presence again.  Still confused but relieved, I worshipped for a few hours, thanking God and singing songs of praise. My heart was no longer stone and I didn’t feel weary any longer.

Then something happened that startled me. 

As I was praising God, I suddenly felt a weight descending on my head.  And at the same time, fear began to seep into my heart and suppress the peace I had that morning. This heavy weight seemed to come from above and settle inside my head.

It was weird but sadly familiar.  All I wanted was to do was spend time with the Lord.  Perplexed but defiant, I said in my heart, “God I just want to be close to you, no matter what it means.  I don’t care about getting eight hours of sleep or eating whenever I want, I just want to be with You.  You can take it all away as far as I’m concerned.”  

Later that morning,

My brother Rhonnie called and I told him what had happened.  To my surprise he began to cry, and through tears, he said God gave him the interpretation.

He said, there’s been a widespread spirit of fear and suicide overwhelming and harassing God’s children.  The enemy has lied to and deceived us on a massive scale.  Telling us there’s no way out of the torment except through suicide. The heaviness I felt was the hopelessness and despair that so many of us are feeling.  A hopelessness that seems impenetrable, like a heart of stone.

God allowed me to have this experience, to give voice to what so many are feeling today.  The feeling was so strong and I couldn’t praise Him like I used to.  And when I did I just felt weary, as if exhausted from a long and tiresome battle.

He said, “tell them the only remedy is the revelation of Jesus Christ.  His name is enough.  He is enough.”

Later that evening,

I fell asleep on the couch about eight watching something on YouTube. I woke up around midnight and went back to sleep a little before four, waking up every thirty minutes again.   And in the dark, when I opened my eyes, a spirit of fear tried to overwhelm me.  This happened three times.  And each time I knew it wasn’t something from inside me, but coming from the outside, because as children of God, we don’t have a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self control.

I spoke out loud, rebuking it saying, “Fear, I bind you in the name of Jesus.” I quoted Scripture, proclaiming,  “God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind!  And Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.”  Next, I acted in faith.  I left the lights off, refusing to turn them back on, and turned over to go back to sleep, turning my affections towards the Lord.  Each time it left just as quickly as it came.  And I was able to go right back to sleep.  The fear didn’t last for more than a few seconds. It had no choice but to obey the Word of the Lord.

My encouragement to you:

Jesus came to give us life abundantly, and He hasn’t changed His mission.  His mandate is still the same.  Life more abundantly.  The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy.  Look around you.  Are there places in your life, in your mind and heart that are destroyed?  Under rubble?  Stolen?  That is the work of the enemy. But there is Hope.  For God works all things for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes.  Jesus is our Hope.  

He is a master at taking what the enemy has stolen from us and turning it for our good.   And Jesus not only turns things around, but He calls you to Himself so He can love on you.  Let Him hold you close and wipe away your tears.  Let Him give you life more abundantly.

Do you know Him? 

Have you met Him?  He is alive, not dead.  The only begotten Son of God.  That means something we can’t truly comprehend. No power of hell can overtake you when you are in Christ Jesus.  He stands victorious, and as God’s children, we stand victorious with Him.  Amen. 

Isaiah 61: Speaking prophetically for Jesus