Years of being single and living alone, I’ve watched people come in and out of my life.
And because of this, I’ve learned to become emotionally independent to hide the fact that I felt so rejected. I branded myself an introvert and spent my evenings and weekends at home immersed in unhealthy behaviors.
I would never let others get too close for fear they would wonder why they wasted their time with me.
Yes, growing up I was pretty rough on myself…
And during my college years, it was normal to meet new people almost on a daily basis. We were all trying to find our way, discover our passion and create the future we thought we wanted. So for most it was easy to find people to bond with.
But as for me, I would silently wonder: How do these people make friends so easily? How do they meet? What is the process? Can somebody let me in on the secret, please!
I would watch people form relationships that would move past the classroom and the music halls.
They would hang out on the weekends, connect and become best friends while I just couldn’t seem to make those same types of friendships.
Yes, I did have some awesome friends that reached out to me, and still do, but insecurity and feelings of unworthiness kept me from getting too close.
So I branded myself an introvert and learned to embrace my “independence.”
And that independence seeped into my faith.
When I talked to God, I only came to Him for the big things in my life and never trusted Him with the rest. I relied on my own strength to get through life and prayed to God only as a last resort. And even then I had to struggle to believe because I had no idea how to trust Him. I had no idea how much He loved me.
My people are being destroyed because they don’t know me.
Hosea 4:6 NLT
Pause and think about how the relationships in your life are formed.
The more you spend time with a person, the more you get to know them. You learn their nature, their character, their sense of humor, their quirks and their bends. You develop inside jokes together and learn to trust them more and more. Observing the things that make them happy, and avoiding the things that displease them. You begin to trust them, and they begin to trust you.
It’s the same way with God.
But with God, you trust Him with your life, and God begins to trust you with His treasures. People. He heals your broken heart, helps you during weak moments, equips you to do good work, and uses every opportunity to display His strength inside of you.
For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.
Philippians 2:13 NLT
Because God sees me…
1. He’s given me a love for people that I’ve never experienced before.
His very nature is relational as He is God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. So when His desires became my own, a deep love for people grew inside my heart. People made in God’s image.
God has given me a strong desire to see people set free from spiritual and emotional bondage. It warms my heart to hear people’s stories, share my own story, and remind them and myself of how deeply God loves us.
2. He told me to start a blog.
When I left my full time job three years ago, I had aspirations to work for myself as a web developer.
Only thinking about the money, I dreamed of becoming a digital nomad and living a lifestyle of freedom.
But when God called me to start a blog, He changed my heart’s desire. He gave me a passion to share the message of His love with a lost and hurting world. And I get to pour my heart out onto the screen, resonate with people, point them to Jesus, and advance His kingdom.
3. He filled me with the Holy Spirit.
The Holy Spirit is my most intimate friend who points me to Jesus everyday. He speaks to my heart and is the very presence of God in my life. When I feel fear, begin to get anxious, or don’t understand…He is right there. In the stillness waiting patiently for me to stop struggling so He can talk to me with the wisdom of God in His still, small voice.
And now I now no longer consider myself an introvert, but a lover of God and of people.
I began to see people not through a lens of hurt and rejection, but through the love of God.
And as the old wounds were exposed, He not only healed the hurt, but transformed the way I saw myself.
I don’t have to feel rejected by others, because God first loved me. I’m already worthy of love and accepted.
It’s no longer hard work being around others.
I still need my alone time to recharge and regroup, but worrying about what to say, what people are thinking, and being envious of the self confident no longer have any power over me.
I’m comfortable in my own skin again.
Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22: 37-38 NLT
And I don’t have to be the quiet one, the shy girl, or the nice girl anymore.
Yes, there are still hurts and stings that happen because people are people. We are all imperfect and in need of grace and mercy. But that’s where the truth of God’s Word comes in. I spend effort renewing my mind with the truth about who He has made me to be.
God is your beloved and longs for your heart. He sees you.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Psalm 34:18 NLT
Never forget what Jesus did for you. God loved you so much He became man, bore your sins and took them all to the cross. Draw near to Him, cast your cares on Him, and TRUST HIM. And be wowed by how much things change inside your heart.
God Sees Me: Scripture Writing Journal
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